It’s really frustrating when people question your knowledge of things. My daughter’s car was broken the other day. I came around to fix it but she started saying all this crazy stuff like “You’re not a professionally trained mechanic” and “I need to get a log book service to keep the car’s resale value high”. Like, what are you talking about, woman? I’ve been servicing her car for her for years, ever since I returned from the moon, and never heard a word of complaint about it. When I mentioned this to her, she said that she does complain about it, but I delete her voicemails every time. I’ve never heard anything so preposterous! I tell you, we couldn’t afford[…]

Do you know what my favourite thing about space was? Not having glass break. With low gravity, if you dropped a window it would just slowly float toward the ground and land there safely. On Earth, you get no such mercy. Drop a window and it smashes into a million tiny pieces which will take you an hour to clean up. It’s infuriating. I’ve wasted so much money on glass objects that were destroyed by the gravitational pull of our planet. Maybe I’m just clumsy, sure, but I’m certain I wouldn’t be in this situation if I still lived on the moon. Damn you, BASA, for recalling me from my space mission! Now I’ve got to find a business for[…]

I had to take my car to the auto shop yesterday, but given the current world circumstances, I wasn’t able to go see a movie or anything, as I usually would while waiting for a car service to be done. So I spent most of the time sitting in the workshop, waiting, just dawdling around on my phone. Eventually, I got so bored that I decided to watch something on Not Flicks, that streaming service everyone is using these days. Since I don’t have any shows I’m watching at the moment (well, I didn’t at the time, anyway), I just put on the first thing it happened to recommend. So while I was waiting for my log book service at[…]

Driving to the beach, driving to the beach… that’s the driving to the beach song! I get so excited about driving to the beach, I can’t help bursting into song, and who can blame me? It’s not even about being at the beach – that’s nice and all, but it’s nothing compared to driving to the beach. Winding roads, panoramic views of sparkling sea, the thrill of hurtling along the edge of a coastal cliff, cute scruffy dogs sticking their heads out of car windows: driving to the beach has all this to offer, and then some. In case you couldn’t tell, I’m big into lengthy drives in scenic locations, with no distractions aside from the dulcet tones of a[…]

I’m not too sure about some of these old-time folks, particularly the ones from around the turn of the century, by which I mean the late 1800s. They’re close enough to modernity to have an inkling of what’s in store, but far enough away that they can’t see the potential pitfalls of the impending technological boom.  That’s why we started going back in time in the first place – to warn them of what would come to pass without the benefit of hindsight. We would effectively be delivering that benefit to them. Are they willing to listen? Yes and no. They’ll pay rapt attention to descriptions of life in the 21st century, particularly anything to do with cars: building cars,[…]

Just when you think you know something, new information comes to light that turns it on its head. Nowhere is this more true than in life’s most mundane arenas. I guess this is because it’s easier to get stuck in our ways there, or maybe it’s a matter of going on autopilot.  Let me give you an example. I always thought that setting up an office space required a huge amount of strategic thought, mapping out of workflows, weighing up technological factors and endless other nonsense. That’s what I was led to believe by, well… experience and common sense, those two trusty sidekicks I never thought would let me down. Then, up rocks this new office manager, Ted-Jason. First of[…]

I often find myself thinking about the day we almost changed the course of history. It was 1984, the third year of our Lunar Power mission. We’d spent the last few weeks setting up our solar panels, ready for harvesting that incredible energy from the suns. We built a giant ring of these panels around the moon, meaning that we were always getting energy. A lot of it came from the stars on the dark side of the moon. With a few more months of work, we’d be ready to send the energy back to Earth. It would change the world forever. But everything changed when the aliens attacked. I remember it clearly. I was connecting our commercial solar power[…]

We had extensive plans for the moon-house and everything. It was going to have an artificial gravity water slide, a stair balustrade for the gold-plated steps that we brought with us, an automatic food factory run by the newly designed robots. I would have been happy to stay there forever. So Billy Stronglegs just had to ruin the whole thing, didn’t he? Mission control had specifically told him not to bring the teddy bear he had been gifted by his Russian aunt, but he did so anyway. No surprise, the sneaky reds had snuck a camera into it so that they could determine the location of the moon-house. They always were jealous of our efforts in the Space Race. One[…]

Sigh. I’ve tried to get back into regular spooking, but after I had such a great time at Halloween, everything has seemed like it has a bit less of a sheen. People don’t scream and run away with the vigour like they used to, and I feel like my well of ideas is slowly running dry. Should I scare people…dressed as…a mummy? Ugh, see what I mean!? A spooky mummy is the opposite to a spooky skeleton! I’m in a post-Halloween funk, and I don’t know how I can break out of it. I could always go driving again, but while people are spooked enough to cause accidents, I don’t actually want anyone to get hurt. Besides, I think the[…]

If you ask me, there’s a serious shortage of creative magic systems in young adult novels as of late. I do like a story with an interesting magic system, but most of the ones hailed as ‘creative’ are just copies of each other.  It’s like ‘ooh, wow, they use stones to fight each other. And the stones have symbols on them. Wow!’ Or you’re reading a book and it’s all like ‘the main characters are angels, fighting tree people, and they use the power of singing to cast magic!’ And my response to that is… they’re still using magic. It’s just magic, except with voices instead of sticks. A half canopy! That’s what would make for a real magic system.[…]