This weekend we had my mother-in-law staying with us because she was having her kitchen renovated. I didn’t like to point out that she did have two other fully functioning kitchens at her house. Denise stayed with us on Friday and Saturday night, mainly as a precaution should her entire plumbing system go down, an extremely unlikely outcome of a simple kitchen renovation. Melbourne summers have not been kind to her skin, and as her years have advanced, Denise has taken to making adjustments to her already very lovely house. Last weekend she had the painters in to fix up the top coat around the door frames, the difference is wholly unnoticeable. Every now and again her penchant for renovations[…]

It’s really frustrating when people question your knowledge of things. My daughter’s car was broken the other day. I came around to fix it but she started saying all this crazy stuff like “You’re not a professionally trained mechanic” and “I need to get a log book service to keep the car’s resale value high”. Like, what are you talking about, woman? I’ve been servicing her car for her for years, ever since I returned from the moon, and never heard a word of complaint about it. When I mentioned this to her, she said that she does complain about it, but I delete her voicemails every time. I’ve never heard anything so preposterous! I tell you, we couldn’t afford[…]

Do you know what my favourite thing about space was? Not having glass break. With low gravity, if you dropped a window it would just slowly float toward the ground and land there safely. On Earth, you get no such mercy. Drop a window and it smashes into a million tiny pieces which will take you an hour to clean up. It’s infuriating. I’ve wasted so much money on glass objects that were destroyed by the gravitational pull of our planet. Maybe I’m just clumsy, sure, but I’m certain I wouldn’t be in this situation if I still lived on the moon. Damn you, BASA, for recalling me from my space mission! Now I’ve got to find a business for[…]