You know what I really love about dark science? The banter.

We have some great times here in the lab as we break all laws of common decency and delve into the deeper depths of unethical behaviour. There sure are some comedians in this place, I’ll tell you that much. Baxter is a hoot when he’s not struggling with the approximately seventeen voices in his head!

So anyway, we’re working on quite a specific project today, and that’s a way of matching a person up to a perfect home via a complex and invasive algorithm. The first challenge is that this would be the job of a property advocate. There are Melbourne companies that do property advocacy, from what I’ve heard…I sleep in my car so I’m not entirely in tune with that side of things. But I’ve heard that when they’re looking for a place to call their very own, people take it very personally. As in, they like to think they’re making the right decision, and so they want to talk to a real person. Like a buyers advocate.

I don’t understand it, but then, I don’t understand a lot of other human’s behaviour. Natasha is probably my colleague who can pass for normal the most- she might have a total lack of scruples, but she can hide it very well in polite conversation- and she confirmed that yeah, people do like talking to a property professional rather than just clicking buy on a house like you’re shopping for cheap sunglasses online.

Okay. So, we need to make this algorithm so amazingly efficient that people forget that it’s NOT real person.

Hey, I never said that dark science has a 100% success rate. Maybe in the end, our shadowy backers will realise that if people want to hire a buyers advocate, Melbourne will always belong to the real humans in the profession. We have no clue, because most of us aren’t entirely human anyway. We just make stuff and get paid for it while being kept away from society for fear of awful things happening if we ever got out.