dermal fillersHow I long for the days when I was floating in the heavens. In a spaceship, that is. People think being an astronaut is all glamour but the reality is far more profound. It takes years of hard work and discipline to get into the position for a start, and actually living in a space shuttle orbiting the earth is a lot like camping — it’s hard work. Aside from all the technical stuff you need to do in the job, day to day living itself is meticulous. You never get a break from the job when you’re up there.

Lately my wife has been getting cosmetic treatments like dermal fillers. Ballarat beauty clinics can take years off your face with these simple non surgical anti wrinkle injections. Her skin looks more supple and beautiful for it, but at what cost? It makes me reflect on life as it was in outer space. Up there, past the earth’s atmosphere, you never had to worry about superficialities like this. Sure there were the press shots that come before and after the journey, and the odd selfie for social media PR, but looks were so trifling compared to the glory of being an astronaut. You could look like an unkempt scruff up there and everyone would see you as a hero.

That’s not to say that I’m complaining about the Mrs taking care of herself. In fact, she’s been using my enormous astronaut’s salary to get all kinds of work done. She’s had cheek augmentations, cosmetic tattooing and lip fillers. Ballarat, where we live now, has a number of nearby clinics that can do all kinds of things to make you look younger and more beautiful. If there’s one thing an astronaut needs in retirement it’s a beautiful wife. Only models and starlets are worthy of the astronaut’s love.